The Truth Behind Harry Potter
by garon604
Summary: This is the truth behind Harry Potter. What REALLY happened. Okay, not really, I was just bored on MSN. :P You can work over the line indents... right? Note that this is also no insult to the author in any way.
1. Pounded Thestral Essence

Harry Potter was a very spaztic boy. He had two friends that were secretly dating and had a crush on Cho Chang, but Cho Chang was secretly dating Ron who was cheating on her and secretly dating Hermione. When Harry found out he yelled at Ron, and then Hermione found out what Ron was really up to all those long nights during 'extra Quidditch' and yelled at Ron.

Then Cho came in and found Ron and Hermione and Harry all yelling at each other and within seconds she found out that Ron was cheating on her so then she began to yell at him. The yelling attracted Michael Corner, who found out that Cho was cheating on him. Their yells combined attracted Ginny, who found out that he was cheating on her.

Eventually, they all yelled each other out and fell on the floor asleep. Hours later Luna Lovegood walked in and said, 'Oh how delightful, more bodies for the Yelling Potion,' and sprayed orange liquid all over their faces. Later, when they woke up, the buzz around the school was that Harry, Ron, Hermione, Cho, Michael, and Ginny had slept together and they soon became outcasts.

Finally, they began yelling at each other again because of Luna's Yelling Potion. She giggled silently and twirled around before they caught her and crashed into Professor Snape, who instantly realized what kind of potion Luna had made because her hands had pounded Thestral esscence, which was only available from his stores and used only for the Yelling Potion.

Snape started yelling at her and then Luna and Snape began yelling at each other and joined the other crowd.

Finally, Snape found out that Luna had added too much powdered ground squirrel tail, making the potion extra powerful. Soon, their yells became large sonicbooms that began destroying the castle. Soon, Hogwarts was nothing more than a rubble, and the shaking shook the mountains and they all became a rubble, and that attracted Voldemort.

He glided towards the remains of Hogwarts and began to feed on their anger when suddenly he tripped over the handle of Sirius's knife, which flew into the air and cut a lightening bolt scar on Harry.

When Voldemort fell he shook the ground and 10 large boulders fell on him and he got crushed. A stolen Time Turner fell out of his pocket, and flew through the air, turning, turning, turning...

And then Snape dropped his wand and with the magic of his mind the Time Turners all multiplied.

And it covered the entire world... turning.. and turning... and turning... and turning... and turning...

Eventually, it turned so far back that it turned 12 years into the past. Nobody remembered anything. Of course, everybody's still babies, except for Snape. And Harry still had his lightening-bolt scar, and everybody thought that Voldemort had died because of Harry because the Minister of Magic at the time wanted to find a reasonble explanation on how the Dark Lord had died, so he put all the names of all the magical babies of the world into a hat and drew out Harry's name. He then hired writers to decide what to do next, and the writers advised to kill Harry's parents with no witnesses and pretend that Harry had brought Voldemort out of power.


	2. The Writers

The appearances of Voldemort hereafter is just the evil scheme of the evil Monkey People who want to take over the world -

again. But the Death Eaters are trying to stop them, but the only way was to make believe and pretend that they were evil.

And in truth, the Order of the Pheonix is bad, because they want the evil Monkey People to prevail. They used the same 100

writers to make a script for them in case of emergency, AKA Harry, Ron, Hermione

They carefully planned out the scene of the Department of Mysteries, because the veil lead to the evil Monkies, where they

would send their best man, Sirius, to to help them and set up a portal for the rest of the Order to go in

So they dressed themselves up as Death Eaters and Tonks got to be Voldemort because she won the limbo contest

And so they chased them all around and around the Department until finally they sent Sirius through

And then they laughed in triumph.


	3. Evil Monkies

In the end when they believe Voldemort is back, they used the Imperius Curse on the Ministry to say that they believe

Voldemort back after they use the Imperius Curse on the Ministry to get them to believe that evil Monkies should prevail

after they use the Cruciatius Curse while they gained power for the Imperius Curse.

Later they just got the Ministry to use Voldemort as a cover up for evil Monkies, so they second Imperius Curse was lifted.

And when Dumbledore told Harry about the prophecy he was just planting a story in Harry's mind. Soon after Harry left

Dumbledore muddered, 'Sucker' And then he ran out with his jacket, because at that time he was being played by Tonks.

See? None of this would even had happened if Hermione and Ron didn't start going out.


	4. The Grand Act

On a side note, Bellatrix LeStrange was played by Dumbledore, and Dumbledore was played by Mundungus Fletcher

Hagrid was also in on the scheme, being a member of the Order. Hagrid's role was to take out Professor M. so that they could bring her to the Evil Monkies, so when she went to St. Mungo's, they removed the real Prof. and switched it with Sturgis Podmore, so the real Sturgis Podmore was played by Sirius. Therefore, they didn't send Sirius through the veil, but instead they sent Lupin.

So the real Lupin was played by Mrs. Weasley, vut Mrs. Weasley was a blood traitor and while they weren't looking he replaced Sirius (who was being played by Lupin) with Sturgis Pdomre, who was actually being played by Sirius. You see, Mrs. Weasley did that because she wanted to date Lupin (who was being played by the real Arthur Weasley). So, Mrs. Weasley is actually a whore.

Oh, and the Ministry was actually helping the Death Eaters stop the Evil Monkies. Why else would they want Dumbledore and anyone close to him removed?


	5. Chapter 5 how original

In the sixth book, Hermione, being sharp as her little mind is, quickly gets Harry and Dumbledore to concoct a potion which would take the entire school year to brew. This potion would change everything that would happen, resulting them being set back to the year 1979, before Harry was born to stop Ron and Hermione cheating on each other so that everything that is written in the books come true.

Finally, they finish it and then in the seventh book it describes them pouring the potion everywhere.

And then, the world changes with a big BOOM but they added too much half blood prince blood

So the entire world was set back to where it began...


	6. The Harry Potter Scrolls

In 1993 after the world is reset, a poor woman named JK Rowling was visiting a museum looking for something to steal when she finds these scrolls that hold long stories about a magic boy, So she steals them and starts copying them down and giving the stories to a publishing company.

It took until 1997 to finish copying down three of the scroll's stories. Then another 3 years pass and she finishes copying down the 4th scroll. Then another 3 years pass, the 5th scroll is done...2 years later... 6th scroll is finished. Let's think: 4, 3, 3, 2...

We can presume that the 7th book will be copied down into books 2 years from now.

And I don't know the real story. I just started thinking, and I realized how LOGICAL all of the above appeared to be

Anyways, THE END :)


End file.
